On Being Mormon

I have been asked several times, dear reader, why as a transgender individual I remain a Mormon. Most of these individuals point to the LDS church's position on various LGBT issues as a clear reason to leave. This is certainly not an easy question to express my answer to. And I hope that in a scant few paragraphs I can present my beliefs articulately and succinctly.

As I view all the pain and suffering that I have experienced in my life, I find myself dearly hoping that all the pain means something. I hope that my suffering has had a purpose. I hope that somewhere there is an answer that explains why I had to go through this; an answer to why I was given gender dysphoria. This hope, that there is an answer and that there is more to life then our experience here, is often the only thing that has kept me going. I fear that I would have committed suicide long ago without this hope.

I find an even greater hope in the atonement of Christ. Through Christ's atonement, all the pain, suffering, guilt, and anguish which I experience can at some point be taken away. What greater or more beautiful hope could there be than this?

These two statements stand at the core of my belief: that there must be a purpose for suffering, thus giving me the strength to go on now, and that I have a Savior--someone who literally will save me from my suffering at some point in the future, providing hope that someday things will get better. Now I will freely admit to you rationalists out there that these two ideals might not seem rational, but what is more rational than finding a reason to continue to live? When I struggle these ideals are the only things that help me to continue onward.

Building on those ideals, I believe in several other principles. If I were to attempt to express my personal theology in a single paragraph I would probably give this answer: I hope that all of life's suffering has a purpose and through the atonement of Christ I find a way to deal with my pain. I believe that a personal relationship with God is important. I believe that God loves us and will save everyone who tries to follow him. I believe in the importance of community and believe that everyone should be given a place in a community, be given a job to be done, and the opportunity to help others better their lives.

In examining my own personal beliefs and Mormonism I find several very clear connections. Mormonism encourages a personal relationship with God which I believe is an essential component of belief. All of us should be able to seek our own answers and own revelation to help direct our lives. Mormonism believes in a universal theology; a theology where every single individual who has ever lived has the opportunity to make the same covenants and receive the same blessings. Mormon theology also allows a plurality of belief, we have no problem agreeing that perhaps God placed certain individuals in different religions so that they might learn different principles. And finally, I find that Mormonism has the most beautiful ideal for a community I have ever encountered. The principle of Zion and of the constant work to better the community is a wonderful thing.

Because of these principles I find Mormonism to be an incredibly attractive religion. I haven't found any other religion that strives for these principles in the same way. This is not to say that the LDS church is perfect. And when is an organization run by humans ever perfect? Too often members of the LDS church assume that everyone has the same outlook on life as they do. Social pressures often cloud out doctrine. Minorities or people with different outlooks are often pushed to the side. The church is run by imperfect men who, just like all of us, make mistakes. But the church never claims to have accomplished its goal of a perfect community, merely to be striving for it. If all those of us with different outlooks or unique problems and concerns left the community the church would never be able to progress. Our differences make us stronger and I believe that my voice and my experience can help make a difference.

So often when I hear people discuss their concerns with the LDS church I hear complaints about Joseph Smith, about the Book of Mormon, and about modern political decisions. Yet in the end none of these issues affect my personal belief. I certainly don't believe that Joseph Smith was perfect. He made many mistakes throughout his life. But he did try and build a community of people who relied on Christ and attempted to help each other come closer to him. When people discuss the historicity of the Book of Mormon I want to respond that I don't really care. We are told to liken scripture to ourselves, encouraging principles of allegorization and in this respect the Book of Mormon has successfully helped me many times in life. The historicity of the book doesn't really effect my belief that it can help everyone's life. And as to modern political decisions I fully believe that God allows each of us to muddle around and make many of our own decisions and mistakes. I don't believe in a God who always tells us what to do. The personal beliefs and outlooks of church leaders are bound to be reflected in their decisions. Because of this the church's decisions often will be determined by the opinions of the church's leaders.

In the end, I don't even consider the mistakes of Joseph Smith, problems in the Book of Mormon, or modern church decisions on a daily basis. These issues don't affect my every day life nor do they affect my personal theology, and I find having arguments over these points to be both fruitless and frustrating for all parties involved. However, I think of my hope in a Savior, my hope that suffering has a purpose, my personal relationship with God, and my belief that we should all strive to build a better community every single day. I believe this everyday theology is a far more important component of Mormonism than historical leaders, decisions, or fallacies.

This personal everyday theology is why I am a member of the LDS Church. I will gladly follow the Word of Wisdom, pay tithing, and keep any number of commandments to be part of a community that is working (admittedly often very painfully) towards such lofty goals.

While the LDS Church currently does not have a clear position on gender dysphoria, I think that as more members come forward who experience gender dysphoria that the church's position will become more clearly articulated. The only way for this to happen is for people like myself to share our thoughts and our stories; to slowly build Zion by being open about our struggles and patient as we explain them to others. This blog is my attempt to be open, honest, and hopefully build a better community through understanding.