Why write a blog? Well dear reader, that is a very good question--a question that I ask myself every time I sit down to write. It's not like I have all the answers; in fact, there are days where I distinctly feel like I lack any answers at all. It's certainly not that my story is a moral tale of victoriously overcoming my own situation, an example for future generations to follow. No, I'm certainly not a crusader, actively fighting for a cause. Nor am I an apologist fighting to excuse my actions. No, dear reader, I am merely a person, bumbling along trying to live life as best as I know how. I have had my share of ups and downs, of slips and stumbles, of serious errors and more minor foibles. In fact, I find every day to be a struggle. But perhaps with your support I will be able to struggle along valiantly for yet another day.
I write so that perhaps some of you who are reading might better understand. Understand what? I can already hear you asking the obvious rejoinder. I would answer that I hope that by reading you will better understand me, understand gender dysphoria, understand being Mormon, and my faith in God, understand how we all struggle, and understand how despite our struggles we can continue onward. In the end I dearly hope that you will better understand life itself by getting a glimpse into a story that is perhaps very different from your own. I may fall far short of such lofty ambitions, but at least in the end I hope that this blog can help me feel a little less alone. I hope that this blog can help me learn to better cope with the difficult challenges that I face. And I hope that maybe someone somewhere will be touched by what I have to say.
I hope that this blog can inspire discussion and thought on all of our parts, dear reader. So please feel free to comment on anything anytime. If I can facilitate a single decent conversation I will feel more than content. I plan on being brutally honest, and I fully expect that many of you will find points of disagreement and maybe even contention. I welcome counterpoints to anything I have to say. As I already admitted (but perhaps ought to admit again for emphasis) I don't have many (if any) answers. These are my thought presented as honestly and truthfully as my meager command of words allows.
Now dear reader, I sincerely hope that you will give my words a chance. So muse along with me as I try to confront my own inner turmoil.
Thanks for reading,
Kyle
Dearest Kyle, you are so brave! I had no idea that you have been suffering. My heart aches for you and for your sweet wife. This is all new to me. I have never had transgender explained as well as you have explained it. I've never had anyone share their feelings about it so openly. I appreciate your perspective and opening my eyes and heart to anothers suffering. I am so sorry that you are so lonely.
ReplyDeleteI have a very dear brother who is gay. Our family has been blessed that he is very open about his struggles. He is now very active in the church, but has had to work hard to become and stay active. Because of this It has helped me be more compassionate and understanding of my friends and family and there trials.
I know that our Savior lives and loves you. He knows your pain. I understand that on some days this is little comfort, but pray that it will get you through the very hard times.
Please know that we love you and we will pray for you and your wife (I noticed you didn't use her name).
We love you,
Aunt Jenni
Aunt Jenni,
DeleteYour words mean a lot to me. A couple of years ago I would have never imagined that I would be willing to open up and discuss any of this, but here we are. Just knowing that you will pray for us eases the burden in my heart a little.
My wife isn't ready to discuss any of this with her family and, while the chances of them running into this blog is extraordinarily minute, she feels safer if her name isn't used.
Once again, thank you so much for your sweet reply. If there is ever anything I can do to help you please let me know.
With love and appreciation,
Kyle
Kyle, I am truly in awe of your courage. I cannot even pretend to understand your pain in this trial, but I thank you for opening up to your family and the world. I have no doubt that your words will give comfort to many, as well as open the eyes of the naive and possibly make the world a more loving and accepting place. You and your sweet wife will be in my prayers. And know you always have love and support from me, no matter where life takes you. Love you! And thank you again for your bravery!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Brianne
Dear Kyle,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you (and your sweet wife), and I want you to know you are now one of my heroes. I am truly amazed by your courage to openly discuss this incomprehensible and difficult challenge you have been given to deal with in this life. While the whys are something we will probably never fully understand in this lifetime, after reading your blog, and knowing the good and kind person you are, I can’t help but think that maybe you raised a hand in the pre-mortal life and said let me take on this burden that I might help others grow in their mortal journey. Please know that you have my full love, support and prayers, wherever this takes you. As you so eloquently detailed (you have your mother’s gift of writing), this challenge does not define you. You are an amazing person with many great qualities and talents, and I am proud to be your uncle. Hang in there and know Jenni and I are always here for you.
With love and admiration,
Uncle Cameron
Dear Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment on your blog last week but maybe I don't know how to do it as I do not see my comments. I wholeheartedly echo Jenni and Cameron's sentiments and while I do not have any easy answers, I am glad that you were willing to share your burden with us. You talked about your loneliness and isolation and how can we reach out and try to support you if we are not aware. I have been reading in "Preach My Gospel" about the baptismal covenant and "bearing one another's burdens" and "mourning with those who mourn." I truly am mourning with you and with your dear wife and your family. We may not have answers or solutions to your problem, but we can at least pray for you and reach out in love and compassion. You are a good and kind person as Cameron has said. May you be strengthened through the power of grace as you learn to deal with this.
With love,
Aunt Tammy
I find this whole blog unacceptable. Reading this blog is like a personal attack. There are at least three typos that are blatantly left in plain sight. Who knows how many more I would find if I were smarter? Everyone who has read these pages has seen them and have done nothing. I for one, will not stand for it.
ReplyDeleteKyle, we don't know each other well; but I do know that I got married before you, which makes me better. So as the better person I will say that 'honesty is the best policy'. If you really think about it I'm sure that applies somehow, or not, it doesn't really matter. Anyway I have found this site enlightening. For purely selfish reasons I have read each page intrigued by your… ailment? While I don't think my perception of this situation can bring much support, I hope I never add any stress to your life. So to you, dear writer… of this blog. I wish you luck.
Your relative by some stretch of the word,
Joshua
Dear Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you that we love you. I am sorry for the pain and suffering you are going through. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to share this trial with us, your family. Thank you for sharing so that we may gain a better understanding of what you are going through. You have opened my eyes and I truly appreciate that. Please know that we are praying for you and your amazing wife. We will always be here for you. We love you.
Love,
Kirsten
Dear Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI am thankful your honesty, and openness. Your frankness has helped me to likewise express my experiences growing up gender non-conforming. I wish you the best, and appreciate your courage.
Regards,
Jeremy