Some thoughts on the recent policy change : Church Policy and Compassionate Ministration

A lot of frustration, tears, and ink has been liberally poured over discussion of the recent policy change by the Church. The 'discussion' (if I dare call it a word so civil) on Facebook between members of the same Church (yes we are on the same side here) has often reached toxic levels. On one side raw hurt feelings led to some harsh things being said about the Church which led to some individuals immediately labeling all people who were hurt and potentially disagreed with the policy change as apostate.

Now, I'm not writing to actually discuss my opinion about the policy change. Frankly, my opinion doesn't even matter. Instead I hope to add some perspective to the conversation.

For those of you who don't have any idea why people would be upset and disagree, here are some thoughts:

• First, no one is in apostasy for merely disagreeing with policy. Policy isn't eternal principle. In fact, most of the time policy is a mortal attempt to imperfectly reflect those eternal principles. Policy is often the part of the Church that does change, while eternal principle remains the same.
• Second, as a junior high teacher I can amply attest to the fact that no one's feelings are hurt for no reason. People are hurting because of this policy, and anytime feelings are hurt there is a real reason behind the pain. As members of Christ's Church it is our solemn duty to comfort those in need of comfort, which first means attempting to understand their pain. This isn't an easy thing, but if you really ask, and really listen, perhaps the pain will begin to make sense.

As an example, I have a dear and amazing friend who is gay. He also deeply loves the Church and has a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. He has no idea how he is going to live his life and many tears have been shed over the conflict between the Church and his identity as gay. He is currently trying to live the gospel to the very best of his ability. The policy change really shook him up, starkly reminding him of the conflict he is trying to resolve in his life, and of his need to make a decision. His pain is very real, and I feel for his struggle.

If he does make choices that lead to his excommunication, should that change anything regarding my friendship? I certainly don't think so. If he and his partner want to come to Church and stay as close to the gospel as they can, I'm certainly going to do my best to make sure that they feel welcome and loved. Bishops and Stake Presidents can deal with policy, but policy doesn't change how I'm going to act.

I guess this would the principle I'm trying to live by: dispassionate policy needs to be balanced through loving and compassionate ministration.

I don't think policy was ever meant to be exercised without compassionate ministration. Policy might be the purview of the leadership of the Church, but compassionate ministration lies almost entirely in the hands of the average member. In short, it's our job as members to make sure everyone feels loved.

I'm not a leader of the Church, I've never really held any kind of leadership position. I'm a primary teacher and I do my best to build Zion in any little way that I can.

If you are gay and don't feel comfortable at Church the very least I can do is try and sit with you, be your friend, and make sure that you know that you are loved and have a place. It doesn't matter how you are choosing to live your life, nor should it.

If the recent policy change makes you worry about your children because you want them to be raised as close to the Church as possible, they will always have a place in my primary class. They will know that they are loved, no matter what else happens. If the youth go on a temple trip and your child can't go, the least I can do is work on gathering a group of people who can sit on the grounds of the temple with your child and make sure they feel welcome and loved.

I can't do a lot by myself, but hopefully the little things I can do will help those in need. Think of how wonderful the Church would be if we all did those little things.

I think this discussion is best summed up with my dad's very favorite primary song:

If you don't walk as most people do,

Some people walk away from you,

But I won't! I won't!

If you don't talk as most people do,

Some people talk and laugh at you,

But I won't! I won't!

I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you.

That's how I'll show my love for you.

Jesus walked away from none.

He gave his love to ev'ryone.

So I will! I will!

Jesus blessed all he could see,

Then turned and said, "Come, follow me."

And I will! I will!

I will! I will!

I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you.

That's how I'll show my love for you.

Let's all make sure that we are willing to walk with anyone.

Kyle Merkley